The first time I "met" with Spider-Man, I was three years old. I was watching TV on a Saturday morning when I saw an episode of a Spider-Man cartoon. I couldn't remember what the episode was about, but I do remember being so enthralled at the dude in the red and blue spandex shooting webs and swinging through New York City. This was the start of my love affair with Marvel.

When we visited the US last year, a trip to NYC was necessary. And while we were there, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 was in the middle of filming. My head was spinning and turning, looking for any sign of the cast and crew. Sadly, I didn't get to see any of them, but I was half-expecting a red-and-blue blur to swing past me. Because come on, that was Spider-Man. The Spider-Man. I even wanted to see the Green Goblin because that was Harry Osborn! Harry. Osborn. Can't go wrong with the perfectly flawed friendship of Peter Parker and Harry Osborn.

Spider-Man is, quite frankly, the hero of geeky and awkward teenagers around the world. I was an awkward kid. I was loud, but I was an awkward kid. I have a bad case of word vomit and literally do not filter what I say sometimes. There were times when my classmates and teachers would glare at me for spouting out things I'm not supposed to say. I worked on it and it's not as bad as before (I mean it's still there but not as much or whatever). While I am inspired by a lot of things, Spider-Man will always be my word-vomit/sassy-comeback inspiration.

But let's not forget the iconic Spider-Man line: With great power comes great responsibility. My parents always taught me to be responsible for a lot of things. And when I'm made in-charge of something, I have to be responsible. I met a lot of people who always slacked off when they got to higher ground. And I deal with this kind of people all the time. Literally, all the time. Since I was in elementary, I've met loads of freeloaders and credit-grabbers. Surprise, surprise, these people still exist (when did they ever cease to exist anyway?) and they're getting better at it every single time. There was a time when I became a class officer and the class president offloaded her work to me and made me do everything. I took it, I did the job, and being a sneaky little "pest", told the adviser about it. The president was so mad at me, she confronted me about it in class. I just shrugged it off and told her, "Spider-Man would be so disappointed in you for not taking your responsibilities seriously." She was annoyed even more because I just compared her to a fictional character--that a fictional character was so much better than she was.

But the thing I love the most about Spider-Man is that even with all the things thrown at him--Gwen's death, Harry becoming the Green Goblin, his powers that he has no idea what to do with initially, the city pretty much painting him as a vigilante/criminal--he still manages to be fun. The sarcasm just drips off him and he just finds more ways to annoy people and have fun with it. Like Deadpool (which is also another character who is so awesome but we really must not delve into now because this blog could only take so much sarcasm and I'm already giving it too much). He doesn't run out of comebacks ever. Like even in the midst of chaos and insanity, he still screws you over by playing around like the kid he is. Because that's what he is: a kid.

18 years later, I've seen the five Spider-Man movies (the three Sam Raimis and two Marc Webbs), seen the cartoons, read Spider-Man comics in my spare time (which is scarce, by the way, because I read a lot of books, watch a lot of series and movies, hang out with my friends and family, and Tumblr), and read fanfiction here and there. Spider-Man is one of the things I stick to when I need to get away from reality. Like right now. I always said that I'm so emotionally-invested in a lot of things, but I'm only emotionally-invested in these things when I know I get something out of it.

Frankly speaking, I always wanted to try swinging from the New York City skyscrapers.

Dear you,

It's been a year, hasn't it? A year since you played with not one, not two, but three hearts. And until this day, I think about how incredibly stupid I have been for letting you turn me into one of your toys. It's been a year since I fell for your stupid charms that shouldn't have worked on me but it did. And I still curse myself for letting my guard down and let you in.

I remember the pain. Oh yes, I remember the pain of you suddenly giving me the cold shoulder as if I did something wrong. And for a while, I did think that I did something wrong. That maybe I was far too attached. That maybe I wasn't the open book that you "expected me to be". I went as far as thinking that maybe I should change because there was something wrong with me. I have the tendency to overthink things and this is what led me to that conclusion.

But the people around me were quick to shoot it down. Because this was exactly the kind of relationship I was going against. They were surprised at me that I actually went into this kind of hellhole because they know this is what I hated the most. And they said I must have seen something in you that made me believe otherwise and took the risk. But that's what life is, isn't it? It's about taking risks. And I did. Sadly, the risk I took didn't do me any good. I didn't cry, thankfully. I was just incredibly curious. That may be the reason why I'm so quick to shoot you down then: you weren't important enough for me to cry over.

I have to thank you for some things though. You taught me that just because people look nice doesn't necessarily mean they are. I mean look at you! You smiled a lot. You were friendly too. And kind. But underneath all that, you were a harsh player and I played this game with you. You won the first round, I'd have to give you that. You played your pieces right and I fell right into the trap. But I'm a girl who likes revenge, you see. And I'm pretty sure you knew that because you kept shoving your new relationship status to my throat. But the thing is, I have the best revenge plots. How's your new life treating you then? I heard you have zero friends now. Guess they heard about what you said about them behind your back. Don't worry, no one likes you too.

Oh! Thanks for the memories (cue FOB's "Thnks Fr Th Mmrs"). Dude, I had so much fun in our outings. Plus I did appreciate your covers, just so I could be motivated again. You also were my anchor when I was ready to give up. But hey, I guess you didn't remember much of that. I mean judging by your passive-aggressive posts on Twitter and Facebook (that you're still doing today, but to other people), you just chose to forget everything else. Huh. Fascinating. For someone who tells other people to grow up, you sure as hell are doing a great job at it.

Also, don't think you can pull off a Lucien Carr a la Kill Your Darlings (2013). Dude, that's just ridiculous. You are nowhere near Lucien Carr (or any of the Beat Generation. Or any writer for that matter!) and I am offended that you think so.

Well. Until we see each other again, I guess. I hope I'm not as annoyed at you as I am now. Keyword being annoyed. You should've seen me in the first two months this thing happened. I was downright furious and so ready to burn you to the ground. But, I'm over it. I got my revenge, didn't I? Now I'm just annoyed. I still don't want to see you though.

Sincerely not yours,

me

P.S. Hope your girlfriend grows up too and stops sending me messages. It's childish and disgusting. Ew, okay? You're not Leonardo Dicaprio for me to sob hysterically over. And for Spiderman's sake, it's been a year. Get over it.