It was in the middle of October when you met.

Rain was pouring heavily in the city, and people were rushing about with their different-coloured umbrellas. She was on the sidewalk, waiting for the lights to go green, when you approached her. Rain was steadily pouring heavier and you asked if she could share her umbrella with you—at least until you cross the street and go your separate ways. She says yes right away and you thank your lucky stars that she didn't turn you away. The light goes green and the both of you cross the street. It was there where you noticed that the school uniform she was wearing was the same uniform you saw at the all-girls high school beside yours. She offers to share her umbrella with you until the both of you get to school. Apparently, she noticed the uniform you wore as well. You invite her to coffee, if only to thank her for the trouble she has to go through. She accepts and you wonder how no one else is blinded by her dazzling smile.

One coffee date turned to countless weekend hangouts. Your mom noticed how happier you seem when you talk about her, and your best friend constantly teases you about her. You ignore them, content that you found a new friend. Nature takes its course and that friendship turns into something more. So you court her, and it was a long affair. A lot of your friends tell you to give up, but you don't listen because you know she's worth it. It takes a year and half before she finally says yes. The feeling of elation, of finally being able to call her yours and her finally being able to call you hers was incomparable.

But you have fights. Other couples say its normal, so you take it all in stride. But one day, the fight was bad. It was so bad, you called your friends and had a boys-only day. One of them breaks the pact and brings a female friend. You and the unexpected female guest got to talking and found you had so many things in common. When it was time to part ways, you exchange numbers and promises of talking to each other again. There's a feeling at the pit of your stomach—that this wasn't right. But you ignore it and chalk it up to the residual anger from earlier on.

But things escalate from there and you start hating yourself because you know you're cheating on her. You don't deserve her, you don't deserve her, you don't deserve her keeps playing in your head, and you think of breaking up. But you're selfish and you don't want to let her go, don't want to let either of them go. So you continue on, pretending that everything's fine.

One day, she catches you with the other girl. You couldn't run after her because you deserve this, you deserve this, you deserve this. You think you should finally be happy because she's far away from you now. You won't be able to hurt her anymore. That if you can't be happy, then at least she will be. You even sever your ties with the other girl because the both of you know that you don't love her. Sometimes, you see her from your classroom window. Your schools were literally only separated by a wall and your chest goes tight when you catch her. After graduation, you never see each other again.

Three years later, you're in the same situation as to when you first met her. The only thing that was missing was her. You see someone waiting on the sidewalk and you gather enough courage to ask if she could share her umbrella with you, just until you cross the street. What you didn't expect that she would be there. Both of you are shocked, and you wonder if fate was rearing its ugly head and threw this at you. No matter how much you convince yourself, you've never really gotten over her.

You're caught off guard when she gives you a smile and says yes. You take back what you said about fate and thank your lucky stars once more. As soon as you get to the other side of the street, you thank her. You think about asking her out for coffee, just to catch up on old times, when she does that dazzling smile again.

Only, it wasn't directed to you anymore. You turn and see a man about your age, only taller and tan (compared to your pale complexion). She hastily says goodbye to you and you see her run up to the guy and give him a kiss. You wonder why anyone didn't hear your heart shatter to pieces when it was so loud. Your chest tightens, like when you broke up with her, except this was worse. So you walk away because you can't stomach seeing her so happy without you.

You deserve this. You deserve this. You deserve this.

I remember the first time I was introduced to TVXQ. 

It was back in 2006 and I was still a high school sophomore. I always watch this Japanese program and they happened to be guests there. I was struck by Kim Jaejoong's outrageously blond hair and let's face it: he's a visual shock. Then I started wondering who this person was. It was then that I noticed the four other guys with him. Lo and behold, Shim Changmin had long, light brown hair and one of the most captivating eyes I have ever seen. That, and he was ridiculously tall. Then he smiled and his eyes became mismatched, it was absolutely adorable. Of course, I didn't know their names then and because I was curious as to who these five good-looking people where, I started researching about them.

What shocked me was that they weren't even Japanese: they were Korean.

It's safe to say that I was thoroughly impressed that they could speak Japanese so naturally. It was through my obsessive research about them that I learned of their Korean and Japanese debuts, their shows, scandals, and (unfortunately) their accidents, among others. I spent many sleepless nights switching from studying for school and catching up on TVXQ.

TVXQ were literally my gateway to K-Pop.

Fast forward two years and the five gods from the East were suddenly having a Korean comeback with Mirotic. TVXQ have transformed into men. Their comeback single was literally stuck in my head for three weeks. I celebrated with them for every performance even if I am a flight away from the guys.

But of course, there will always be bumps on the road.

The lawsuit happened and like any other fan, I was hurt. I can't imagine how worse it would for the boys. But what really hurt me more were harsh words being thrown left and right. It made me angry when people spat in TVXQ's (Yunho and Changmin) faces for being "traitorous bastards". When they painted the two as "SM slaves" and many other even more degrading names. It was brutal and I lashed out.

But time passes and suddenly, we're here. 11 years down the road and we're still going strong. I don't think I could really put in words how special TVXQ is to me. They've opened a lot of doors for me without realising it, making me achieve my dreams one by one.

So all I can really say to TVXQ is thank you and I love you. Thank you for being my inspirations, my motivation, my guardians. Thank you for being with me at my most challenging times and my greatest achievements.

Thank you and I love you. 11 years down, forever to go.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

That tick-tock sound of the clock on your table is pissing you off, if only because it reminds me you how much time you have left before everything goes south. You had half a mind to take out the batteries, but you remember how much you needed it to tell you how much time was left.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

You mentally applaud yourself for having enough self-control to not hurl that clock all the way across the room. That, and that you can still continue having an internal monologue and attempt to finish what needs to be done by noon. Your close friends don't really know this habit of yours and your best friends know that when you get like this, they have to leave you alone.

Beep.

Your phone goes off and you wonder who in their right mind would send you a message when you're in this state? You frown when you see that it's a message from someone you didn't really want to hear from. Literally the person you pretended didn't exist in your world. So you ignore it, pretending once more that he didn't exist, and went back to the task at hand. This paper won't write itself, no matter how much you will it to happen.

I got you under my skin.

You wonder if your iTunes picked today of all days to mock you. You put your iTunes on shuffle because music always did help you with your tasks. At the moment, however, it was being a total jerk and played songs that you know would most probably put you in even more of a rush. The six cups of caffeine plus all the deadline anxiety has you on edge. You were about the click Pause when you remembered you hate the sound of the ticking clock even more. So you sigh and just let iTunes win this round.

Bzzt. Bzzt.

You smile in satisfaction. The paper was finally finished and it was now printing. But what really made your day is that you still had an hour to spare, just enough time to grab a bite from the convenience store a few walks from your dorm. Paper done, bags ready, freshly showered and a smile on your face, you start walking to class.

You always did work best under pressure.